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Speaking to Loz I realised that my ‘knowing’ I should feel something.. is most likely coming from my memories/past of feeling this him/connection/feeling. Back then it was normal to feel it all, yet now, is not then. Thinking, feeling I SHOULD be feeling/aware of this is what is causing me this black hole where there appears to be something ‘missing’ which is giving me the pain and loss, loneliness and why I comfort myself!

Though, that was then… that memory of what I felt, should feel, be aware of, is from the past, how things were in that state we were in. Now, we are not in that state, we are here to change that state we used to have to something more. So it would make sense that it had to be ‘let go of’ , that this would be as it in, in this space, to allow for that change.

Just as I had to go through letting things go, things had to end, so did that, which I remember us being. Though it is not lost in the sense of never again, it because we wanted to BE more, so in order for that, we had to come to this state and go through this process to enable that. Hence, it does not feel as it once did. I do not feel/sense him, as I once did. Because we choose to be more than that, to become in a new way, hence the old way had to drop away. Yes part of me remembers him, knows that the old way is no more, feels that disconnection. I still remember him, us. That is fine. DO I also remember what we chose to become? That we chose to do this? Yes, otherwise I dont think I would be seeking to fulfil what we came here for.

My heart remembers, knows and it looking out.. in a way for what it knows is coming. So there is no need anymore for the pain of what was lost, the mourning, the ‘lack’, to take up room meant for what is to come in to that space.

All this is of what was lost, in the past, not even this life. Though we decided to do it because we wanted to be more. That I accept and the fact I choose to do this, also accepting that it was with the  intent and desire to become more.

All pain, sadness, loneliness etc is my reaction TO this change, but it is not my fated future or state,, it is simply the state in the process which is not to last and which I now end. It is all old, in the past, even these feelings in reaction, hence I do not emotionally express them anymore, they are just wisps. Not the present at all.

Just things I am still holding onto. OF which I dont need to hold onto, letting go of them wont mean I am giving up or letting go of him, not at all. Letting go of them means I can reach for him with free hands/arms!

Also need to realise here, If this is TF, if the concept applies, thus if the path applies also? I have been following it for now as its the closest I could come to though sometimes if matches sometimes not, like its a variation. Still need to be careful of the trendy bypassing though.

Went for a walk and had that feeling I used to have a lot. I realised that what I was feeling was things grounding, coming into 3d, to here. Was nice to finally, not only to feel it again but to also understanding what it was! Seemed to be in relation to all the work on this connection.

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