A Rising Sense of Hopelessness

As it sets in, your limbs start to feel heavy, like it is suddenly becoming a burden, this thing that no longer seems to serve any value. A sense of hopelessness starts to set in as an inward sigh of resignation sounds.

You know there is no point in doing it yet again, yet what else is there? There is a sense of duty, that even though you know its pointless, its what you need/should/have to do…. or even ‘might as well, its not like there is anything else’.

So you look at the ‘thing’ and consider doing it anyway. Even though the feeling of the impending doom looms over you. You know nothing will come of it accept further confirmation of more pointlessness. Does it really need MORE confirmation?

What is that pull that drives us to repeat these same things. These cycles that pop up again and again. These cycles of pointless then returned fruit, followed by more pointlessness. Is it to slowly ween us off the old? Or to utterly defeat us with sense of defeat and win?

I can hear some smart arse saying ‘Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results!’.. well I say ‘insanity is in repeating other peoples quotes and thinking it means you understand’.

In the midst of that pointless and small, feeble desire to attempt it anyway, there is a dawning understanding and acceptance that there IS a point to this pointlessness (is that even possible?). A sense of some reason, or ‘something else’. So if this isn’t pointless, then why does it feel pointless?

There.. an awareness of a switch. The pointless is replaced by a rising sense of point.. there is a point here, but it is nothing to do the thing that was getting pointless, nor the value it used to give.

Maybe that which was of value, is no longer valuable? Hence no matter how it is sought, it remains a pointless endevour. Not what is done, but why it is done.

‘There are bigger/better things’ a reply comes. A frowning doubt becomes the reaction. That is so vague! It says of something without mentioning anything. Almost like it is hollow. Is it trying to sound enticing, giving the air of mystery to stir exploration and intrigue? Or is it simply trying to entice without having anything that can be truthfully expressed?

Of course, it might not be something so simple, something of a different calibre all together. A different beast. Of another level and frequency.. which would match the creeping in sense of point to the whole endeavour of pointlessness.

Seriously.. a point to pointlessness? Is that possible, or a good example of duality and/or impossibility and paradox?

Hmph!

Does it really matter? The heaviness begins to change as more acceptance of this weird process kicks in and a stretching sense of reluctant surrender. Ok… Yes. It was starting to get old, there is nothing wrong with new things.. in fact new things wasnt really the problem either. Something beyond my understanding needed to change I guess. A process or pattern beyond all these layers.