Is this agoraphobia or am I a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)? If I am HSP could this, through misunderstanding, have lead to anxiety and fear and created the phobia?
HSP is when you have an inherent high awareness of the external and internal. (NOT to be confused with any spiritual or metaphysical awareness). The over-stimulation leading to fear and anxiety, especially when you do not know what is going on and think something is wrong and your weak or not normal.
I do have a high internal sensitivity, also to body awareness, sensations etc. I feel the nieces visits are too much for me and I like a room I can be in without that ‘storm’. There is no anxiety or fear in it, (anymore), I just feel the need for my own space that will not be as ‘choppy’. I can feel it overwhelming like a ‘noise’ that is too loud. I think though that is why I used to react with people when they came round. I would react to my ‘feeling’ with fear. Thankfully, that no longer overwhelms me. The kids dont, though I am still aware of the changes. I am glad they arnt over-whelming, I just ‘feel’ more is going on then understand then I am aware of.
That makes SO much sense. As someone just said to me (I am discussing this with someone as I type through it) the extra energy of them charging round, liveliness, that rise is what I am aware of and sensitive to in a whole other way then many people are.
It also explains my reactions to ‘busier’ places, people etc. It is like, I was never aware of what I was reacting to, just that something was ‘too much’. Now I understand it, I can ‘see’ it. I can explain it, even if via metaphor.
I feel nothing bad about being HSP, the issues was that I didnt know ‘why’ and thought it was a phobia/anxiety disorder. Yet the anxiety maybe just a reaction due to not knowing just what was gong on.
This could be the cause of any/all of that, due to not being adjusted to HSP. It is worth carrying on as I am sure it is the root, if not part of the key here.
I actually feel rather positive about being HSP as it means there is nothing wrong with me. I do not have a weakness or fault, flaw or mental issue I need to suffer with. I have not done anything wrong, I have NOT done this to myself and I do not need to feel ashamed or guilty that I have let myself get into any certain way.
This is a trait I was born with, a ‘normal’, healthy human trait, Yes, it is rare, yet it is simply that my brain/mind functions differently than many others. It simply results in higher awareness and deeper processing. As such I am more sensitive to things inside and outside, so I notice things others dont. I feel things inside, as reaction or something I notice others dont. I need to accept that this ‘is’ my normal.
It is not wrong, neither does it mean that I need to be dealing or living with a ‘mental illness’ for the rest of my life. Maybe, I believed my life was over now I had this ‘illness’ that defeated me. That I believed was incurable. Well, if it isnt that, then its not life long and my life isnt over! It means I can shed light on this, see the truth and much of the misunderstanding and anxiety will depart as their root foundation will be gone.
