This is probably the most important thing I have ever written so far. Last night before I slept I wrote something I had realised that day and it transformed on paper and became something profound that completely changed my perception of my life over the last decade and in that moment:
‘Realised today that what I set out to do years ago, is finished. Such a nice word, ‘finished’.
Years ago I told myself, I would leave (work) and sort myself out and I wouldn’t carry on again until I was done/ I was healed and sorted.
So, I am responsible for my current state. I put myself into it and basically told myself I wouldn’t leave until I was done. That lead to my current state and situation. ‘Done’ was in reference to my phobia, anxiety and pain.
Though, over time, I inadvertently added, whether I meant to for not, this whole ascension path. My original objective is complete. I have in fact gone so much further than I intended to.
I didn’t just sort my issues out so i could return, I changed from my Core into someone else to the fact/point that it would be impossible for me to return (as I once was). Not because I couldn’t bare to return to the old that was, but because I was no longer that person to start with. The one who started this no longer exists to leave it. The reasons, perceptions and beliefs that were the foundations of that world and self before were brought down and rebuilt so they cant be returned to or returned as.
New Self, New world.
I think I have a misunderstanding around that fact.
The base, initial plan was based on that old world, old self, therefore the plan I hold myself to, is not mine, is no longer viable or even in play, as it is over, finished.
It was replaced, added or even evolved into my personal spiritual/destined path.
All for a while now, has been slowly phasing out that plan and bit by bit bringing in this new.
I never noticed! I know it started but I thought it was alongside but I see now they were perfectly merged to phase/blend into them. keeping a balance (even if I didnt).
Now I am at the end for the initial plan, now blended to where the new can finally begin. Almost like.. it was used to subtlety bring changes so I wouldn’t notice the transition. Yes!
The old to finally end with the last step. With that last step, the new beginnings. In the middle, the ‘limbo’ of neither here nor there, free of both, only left with Self, within.
Staying in this state, worked in the old, no, it didn’t. It worked in the ‘in-between’, it was the in-between, limbo. The new needs to begin for the in-between to end. For the in-between to end I need to…
The before already ended the moment I left it and went within. It faded away as it and I broke and faded. A slow death. As it died a new beginning sparked and began to grow. The in-between is an amazing place indeed. Though now, it is coming time to leave. I have again reached the point where I declare ‘ Enough is enough, this needs to stop, things need to change. I need to do whats best for me’.
I don’t need to stay here and I don’t want to.
I have once again reach the point of change. I now have the faith and courage in myself to make a decision. To step out of the current path and sideways onto the new that has been running along side me all this time.
Time to restore that balance. Internal and external. A foot in each camp. Not walking the ‘in-between’.
For more information on this in-between, I believe it is what I was writing about here back in 2016:
